There is lots to say about Hilton Head, SC, including how it effortlessly (and swiftly) squelched my persistent, nagging, academically-induced heartburn, but I’ll save those words for another day, when I can accompany them with the beautiful visuals Scott’s camera captured, and when my voice is focused on reminiscing only. For now, during this absence of school, when my brain begins to drift off into space and I find myself dumbing down my reading lists, I can only process few thoughts. I only want to process thoughts that are simple, lack critical thinking and analysis, and, mostly, involve using my hands instead of my head. I actually stood in the bookstore this morning on my way to work, and stopped in front of the philosophy section, picked up copies of Schopenhauer and Nietzsche (I’m musing on taking a philosophy course this summer—hmm), realized what a tragic mistake it would be to try to comprehend their words right now, and allotted that money, instead, for yarn. That’s what I always do, anyway, but today it was with exceptional panache and subversion: I will not read your theories, your words, however brilliant they may be; I will knit. And my mind will enjoy the extended vacation.
Of course, this brings me to a new challenge, one that I don’t feel equipped to navigate on my own. See, I want to do something big. I’ve made streams of socks during the slow times at work, and have made enough hats and scarves and little things in my knitting career to keep me content (and, incidentally, up to my ears in woolens). I have designs floating around in my mind, very evocative knits inspired by paintings, by good friends, by nature. But the thought of having to do math and work out the logistics of pattern-writing is incredibly daunting right now and, understandably, not very appealing. So I sifted through my mental and Ravelry queues to try and find what I’ve coveted most, the thing I’ve wanted to make the longest—the sweater that could take me all summer. And I cannot, for the life of me, choose one.
Part of me wants to just bunker down with something, so I could just frog one of the sad, unworn, ill-fitting early garments in the closet and do something with the yarn, but something about shiny new yarn is appealing to me. And then I think about practicality: what do I really need? Nothing. But, of course, I want something. It would be nice to have an outdoorsy sweater, something I could wear during hikes or campfires or walks through the city in the morning mist. It would show tremendous foresight to try and plan something for the holidays, a charming little blouson or cardigan I can wear around the house on Christmas, but I really can’t see that far ahead right now (echo the stockings that should have been started weeks ago). I even thought about a Dude sweater, so that I’d have something to wear while drinking White Russians and bowling. But I lack the innate confidence and awesomeness to wear it properly. So I am tremendously stuck, and clueless, and do not know what to do.
If I can manage it, I am going to try and get Scott in on the action. Maybe, with his help, I can settle on something (because, naturally, he is much more rational, practical, and frugal than I am…and has a knack for letting me know what doesn’t look good on me—process of elimination could serve me well right now). And if by the end of the night we can settle on something, then perhaps tomorrow we’ll trek over to the downtown area to pick out some yarn so that I can spend the three weeks left before summer classes on knitting the sweater of my dreams. Hopefully this ends well!