I am here today to offer two things: a sad excuse, and a new beginning. And I’m pretty sure that both will require a lot of text on my part.
My excuse isn’t sad in the traditional, tragic sense. It’s really just that, in a kind of pathetic way, I’ve had no time to devote to this blog, one of my favorite things in my little world, and that lack of time is really unfortunate. I wanted to go on and on, right around Christmas and New Years, about my gift knitting, and then wanted to talk about my goals for the new year, or maybe do a nifty re-cap of the knits of 2009 like I’ve seen so many others do. But, again with the time thing—I had less than five days of vacation before being thrown into life again, into work and a condensed semester. And then this slump sort of kicked in.
I don’t exactly know how it started, but I just fell really out of love with a lot of my favorite things and couldn’t inspire myself to do much of anything. Initially I was so excited by the prospect of being able to knit whatever I wanted, for whomever I wanted, but then was absolutely clueless about what to knit, and cast on for about a million projects that were immediately frogged. I couldn’t find happiness in one of my favorite pastimes. I haven’t read a lick of anything for fun since the new year, because I’ve had to do an intense amount of reading for school. All of the things I was looking forward to that typically come with a new year, a new calendar, just didn’t happen, and I started off the year feeling like I had already missed out.
Then, I decided to change things. Thus the new beginning part of our journey.
It all started with a new notebook. I stumbled into a stationary store near school to kill some time, and found my hands full of notecards, a calendar, and a gaggle of other useless things. When it came time to evaluate what was in my hands, I was utterly shocked at myself. I am not one to waste my money on things that aren’t practical, and I don’t mean that I don’t allow myself a frivolous purchase now and again, but what I saw in my hands on that particular day was just a big void. I saw myself holding all of my unhappiness and all the things that were absent in my life that couldn’t be bought at a store. And when I became upset with this, I went and grabbed an empty notebook and took that home with me so I could sit and write.
As I sat at my desk, I wrote about that specific void and how I could fill it. My biggest comfort, besides knitting, is writing. I’m not claiming that I’m even good at it, but the simple act of doing it, of jotting down words, oftentimes at great length, is very soothing to me. It allows me to process my thoughts in a systematic way and analyze what is happening in a manner that just can’t happen in my head. And the obvious benefit is that it provides a concrete record of what has happened, and I can look back at what has happened to me, and as a historian (in the making), I just love that. So I sat and wrote and thought about what was missing and what I had to work on, and the following loose, sketchy list of goals is the closest that I will come to resolutions this year.
- This will be a year of knitting from the stash as much as possible. More on this later.
- I want to cultivate genuine, strong friendships. I experienced a really scarring friendship that has left an indelible mark on the way I interact socially. I want to change that. And stop being so scared of new people.
- I hope to spend more time thinking about the way I consume, and how I’m a part of material culture, and cull my ‘stuff.’ This is going to be a difficult process, but a necessary one.
- Less TV, more books.
- Less time on the couch, more time outside.
- More pictures. Of my love, of life—it is not hard to click the shutter button.
- And finally, a lot more writing—on the blog, in my journal, just for fun. I need to.
Happy New Year to everyone; I’m sorry for the delay in my well-wishing, and hope for the best for all of you this year.